The real message

I think a more accurate advice he was trying to say is: watch your speech and actions (or being dramatic), because you are giving other people misleading impressions.

Now THAT statement, would be fairer.

I mean, how can he go inside my head and know what I am thinking about and said, 'Don't think that everything is about you'?

Those words bother me. '...think...' and '...everything...'.

Wrong.

Because I don't think about myself these days, except for one or two particular things that happened to me but that was just at the sideline. I can think of 5 or 6 or more people having problems ranging from my friends or families that I have been concern about these days, that I've prayed about. Ranging from problems with boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, worries about the future, (their) family problems, study, social circle, etc. I even bought books for some of them (although both I have not been able to give to them), and I searched for a good website to help guide one of my troubled friend.

You want to know what else I think about?

I think about my nephews, how the eldest is doing in school, I think about my parents' health, and how now I really don't mind them not coming for my graduation even though I do talk about feeling sad about it, I think about God, faith, and how the world needs saving through the culture of love, issues on abortions, homosexuality, issues within and outside the Church etc etc.

I also think about how to properly arrange time and money, for me to bake cake or cook masak hitam for friends who keep asking for them.

I just don't tell or show to people much of these.

Now, by listing all these things, yes, I have made my own conscience and mind clear that I am not as bad as he claimed to be, but I hate the feeling of as though I am doing all these not as sincerely, because now, as though I am using them to give myself comfort, when all I really want to do, is to being able to do all these things for other people, without thinking too much about it. In the end, like now, listing all these makes it all comes back to point at myself. What's the point? See what I mean when I say there's nothing good for accusing me of what was being accused? Now, instead of naturally not thinking of myself while doing all these things for others, the accusation did the opposite effect. I keep thinking about myself NOW. How I've failed, how I've disappointed myself, what kind of mistakes I've done, keep looking for things that I've done correctly, keep trying to understand how I feel and think, and every single justifications that I try to find for all my actions.

I am sure the devil is rejoicing to see the state I am in now.

But I will bounce back though, sometime, somehow. Because who I am, is who I am. A real person, not a fake person. A faker live each day by faking and not doing the right thing the natural way, just because they think too much of how others think of them that they have to be so self conscious of their every single move that they are afraid to do anything and afraid to do mistake. I don't want to become that sort of person because of you, nor because of anybody else. I will be on halt now, but doesn't mean that I will change who I am completely because of what you think you know what  and how I think.

Advice is easy to give, but difficult to be given correctly. Therefore, I guess, this is a lesson for advice givers. Think.