Earlier today, I was thinking, how I wish I have someone to be able to talk to and give me advice on this matter. But I can think of no one. So I can only pray that God give me the wisdom that I need to overcome the problem.
If I am someone outside myself, but know myself as much as I know myself, how would I like to give the best advice to 'me'?
When something happens in life, we humans tend to wish if only there is a step-by-step guide book in order to help us get over a problem correctly and completely. But there is no such book. Each problem are different and needs different approaches and way of thinking.
But what is in common, is that all of them must stem from the foundation of love and truth. The main goal, something that benefits larger than within oneself. I.e. what's the best for everyone, in God's main principle of love and truth. We humans need a lot of wisdom, and think for a bit more, and of course with God's grace, in order to come up with the best way of tackling it.
For the past few weeks, I have been reading an article, or electronic book on 'wife desired'. I read it for the purpose of trying to get ready of being a wife, but I found it to be so much more than that. It teaches some of the most important and fundamental of how a women of virtue should be like.
Last night I also reflected on Mary, a sinless creature of God (because God's grace and Mary's will had made her and keep her so), however these days so many people are belittling and not honouring her as how naturally Jesus would like His followers to honour her. Imagine the feeling of frustration they must be feeling because in a sense, injustice has been done.
It is when I reflected how painful it is to feel not respected and not justified as a person, even when I am as a sinner, I suddenly realize just how big a deal it is to pay respect for Mary, Jesus's therefore God's mother. I am glad that what I experience had actually anchored me closer to understanding her, which was something that I have been hoping for the past month.
Back to the book on 'wife desired', some points struck me suddenly. Especially this one: 'She might win the argument and thus her pride, but she would lose her husband.'
Okay, in my case, not husband. But, so many things can go wrong, as I have experienced myself before, if I don't act wisely and take heed to my emotions. I realize I am someone with a lot of pride. But God had made me fall so hard last time because of the worthless pride (although He later did come back and rescue me). If I don't find a way to be gracious fast, I could lose the peace of this house, I could lose a 'home', but most importantly, I could lose, again, respect and acceptance of myself. It would mean I bow to the wishes of the devil, and thus losing God's light in my life.
For the sake of so many things, it is important that I must keep in mind of three things:
- Never expect an apology, or even the feeling of guilt by the other party.
- Never expect the other party to know my effort of trying to be gracious, i.e. dont expect acknowledgement. In fact, expect the worst, that he/she actually thinks that he/she's winning because he/she's right while I'm wrong.
- Worst case scenario: The other party might resent and show his/her resentment to me instead.
How I see this now is like this: I was so flawed in this thing before, now God gives me another chance to prove to Him and to myself that I am so much better than I was before.
Plus, I can totally understand that people have flaws, and not necessarily doing the right thing all the time, including people who seems like the most righteous most of the time.
God has given me the wisdom to be mature and come up with this, and I am now trying my best to conform my will to this 'advice'. Next I pray that God will give me the courage and opportunity to do this right thing, do it right, for the sake of everybody.
So, that is how a woman should win the battle within. Win with a graceful and virtuous heart. =D
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