Confidence in God

2 days ago, I was rather devastated for a few reasons, but mainly on my exam result, and partly from feeling lonely that I have no one who really knows me, whom I can talk to. I told God not to leave me, and yet I said I need some time and 'chill' from Him. I cried and I cried, asking why won't He make Himself clear to me, or at least send someone who would understand me to listen to me.

I think He did stay with me while I did my 'chilling out' from Him. I think He did understand, despite how I don't deserve to be asking such selfish request, but He stayed with me.

The next day, the problems still did not go away, but I woke up with a really positive mind, ready to fight through the day again with a heightened battle spirit, at the same time feeling a surprising sensation of peace. I think I owe this to Him, that He listens to my prayer and crying out in distress.

The next time when bad things happen to me which make me start to doubt God's presence in my life, and demand that He show Himself to me to help me, I should remind myself of this story:

Once upon a time, a great flood struck the 
Mississippi Valley. Maurice clung to the chimney on the roof of his house. As the 
turbulent bronze-green waters inched past the second story, he cried, "Oh God! Please 
help me!" A rowboat came by, but Maurice refused to let go. A Red Cross motorboat 
stopped. "No, thanks," he gasped. "God is going to help me." The waters churned 
around his waist, then his shoulders. A helicopter took one last run over the devastated 
neighborhood. The pilot hovered over the doomed and desperate straggler, pleading 
with him to grab the rope ladder. "No, thanks! I believe God is going to save me." 

Finally a nearby levee collapsed and deeper, more violent waters rushed forth and 
drowned Maurice. He came before the Lord in heaven. "Hey, God," he complained, 
"How come you didn't help me when I prayed to you?" God leaned toward him and 
replied, "Maurice, Maurice. I sent you a rowboat, a motorboat, and a helicopter. What 
more did you expect?"

Got it from >HERE<.

LOL

When I happen to read this tonight, I felt comforted, and once again found God's sense of humour again in His ways.

I am also currently reading the Exodus, and suddenly reflected on it this way:

God do not directly show Himself to every single Israelites, His chosen people, but through His representative, namely Moses. That has always bee His ways all through the scriptures and human history. Why would it be different now? What is wrong with Him working His way to me using the Church's teachings and relevant writings? I, like the Israelites, must have the humility to accept the authority He has given on all these people in teaching me, because He had made humankind not exclusive from one another, but to be in communion with one another, just as a father would like his children to be helping each other instead of raising the up individually. Therefore it is not that God could not show Himself or His obvious signs to me, but that through others, it is probably more fulfilling and enriching way. I just need the perseverence and humility to continue believing in Him every step of the way, bearing the big, the small crosses with Him, put myself out there for others. Whether He choose me to be the Israelites that follow Moses, or Moses that lead Israelites, or anything in between or beyond, I just have to trust that God is with me, and that He is delivering me, and that I must not loose heart in the desert.

 God, I really am glad. =D