A more positive-toned post on top of the one below

A calmer afterthought for me is this.

I should know myself much better than what is being claimed about me. I am very well aware of my own weaknesses but it is just that I am taking my time to change things which are more obvious on the outside. I have been focusing on changing the most important part, which is my internal self. Some people may see it, some people may not. I didn't want to overdo it because it feels like it is not natural and therefore obsessing about wanting to portray the perfect me, which if you think about it logically, in one way or another, it eventually turns out to be obsessing about myself.

God knows how I slowly divert my attention from myself to other people's problems this year because I feel for others more than I did for myself, unlike before. God knows how every night I prayed for my family and friends and the world and my future husband, only sometimes remembering to include myself in the prayers. God knows how I love being loud and silly, because I feel that since it is now my season of joy, I should radiate joy to others, especially those who I know in pain and sufferings, although maybe a bit too much at times especially to those who probably don't really have ups and downs. God knows how much I try to be patient and try to be more rational in my interactions with others, so that I could maintain the peace in the air.

I know I have a lot of work to do on this. And still need a lot of wisdom. Especially when things DO happen to me. That is when I start to fret and get all confused and need a lot of support and advice. That's when I tend to do mistakes. I'll give me time to learn to handle these kind of things.

If I am not good enough to anybody standard's, it is okay with me. I am miles far from good enough for God, I know that, but He still accepts and gently coaches me. I am not good enough for myself, but I give myself time, and space to breath, to be better, without losing the essence of myself. And I see the little improvements that God helped me to make, here and there, and feel at peace and encouraged by them.

This is how I have been doing it, this is how I will continue to do it.

After this storm has calm down, of course. =)